It's a... frog??

I was pregnant, and not happy about it. Then when I delivered, instead of a baby came a flesh-colored frog-looking creature. With a human head. And it could already talk, and boy did he have a mouth on him!

Thank you, lame hippie girl on the 3B

for answering a question I didn't even know I had:

Which is more annoying on the bus: Being forced to listen to rap or hippie music?

First, who actually thinks that everyone in their general vicinity is just dying to hear what's blaring out of their cellphone/iPod speakers?

And secondly... I have always hated being forced to listen to shitty rap music blaring out of someone's practically blown cellphone speakers. What ever happened to headphones? Hello people! Blow your own eardrums out. Not like it's real surprising, though. People are so rude/oblivious nowadays.

But I had no idea that people also blared shitty hippie music out of iPods all distorted-like. Really?

Well, there's a first. And I can tell you that being forced to listen to shitty hippie music sucks just as much as being forced to listen to shitty rap music.

Geeking out.

(SS) Abby told me how all the Hollywood Videos are closing in the Twin Cities last night. (/SS)

(TT) I went to one, and I was the only customer. It was incredible. 10 DVDs for $10, just like Abby said! I started rummaging through the SCIFI section... Such goodies! Old Batman stuff... Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... All my favs! Even things I didn't know existed, but that I instantly knew I would love... all there for ME, and super cheap. Then all of a sudden people started crowding in on either side of me. My arms full of treats, I made my way through the crowd. I'm short, so it's easy to get lost... You know when there are so many people that you can't tell which direction you are going?

I managed somehow to get out of the crowd. And walked into what I can only describe as... Comic Book Guy's estate sale. OMG. Heaven. Again I was alone, and had first dibs on everything. (/TT)

RCH - Go, Mother Boards!

All I can say is... Robot Catholic High School? Complete with uniforms.

It was shaped like a mall, and acted like one, too. You would go around to different classrooms (stores) and obtain an education disc to insert...

Plane Sprain

OKay, So I was supposed to fly out on Saturday and my flight got cancelled and rescheduled for Sunday. The airport was a mess once again, and my flight was over-booked, but I managed to get on it somehow. Flying makes me sick. Super sick. I don't know if it's a continuation of my motion sickness, or if it had more to do with the cabin pressure or what. But... I threw up on the plane. And not in the lavatory. Into the provided bag, while sitting in my seat, next to a mom and her kid. O, the embarrassment! At least I held it in until just as we were descending. After everyone left the plane I gingerly walked up to a flight attendant and held up the frosted white, somewhat see-through, stiff plastic "lunch bag" with my stomach contents and unnecessarily explained "I got sick".

She felt horrible for me. I felt horrible for me.

Super Secret Superhero Launderette

I Last night I worked at the Super Secret Superhero Launderette.

It was not as exciting as one might think.

The Delete Button

pic via : here

I'm an inventor. I invent the most wonderful, helpful contraptions the world has ever known. Once I've designed, manufactured, and tweaked an invention I must run it by The Board. This would be understandable, of course, if the two members didn't also happen to be the two dumbest people on the planet.

And not in an idiot savant kind of way.

So none of my inventions are deemed worthy of mankind by The Board, and they all end up in a junk pile guarded by the most vicious, but also dumbest dog.

Feeling I've done nothing to help mankind, I struggle with deep depression until I finally end it all with my very own invention, The Delete Button (which was to replace electric chairs, hangings, firing squads, stoning, and lethal injections world wide given its humaneness and peacefulness - which I can personally vouch for. It was like falling asleep on a cloud and slowly dissipating)

The Trouble With Teeth

We were at a jewelry store looking for lockets in the shape of pigs when my tooth decayed out of my mouth. I pulled it out of my mouth with my finger, and tried to hide it in my pocket. Unfortunately the store clerk saw. At first he thought I was stealing, but then he saw what I was hiding was a rotten tooth. He decided he could help me, he knew someone (a dentist?).

I got in his car and we left. On the way to where ever we were going the rest of the teeth in that row in my mouth started coming loose and hinging. I was really embarrassed about it.

Insomnia.

Still having trouble sleeping.

What the heck.

It's getting better. I've decided to go to bed at 10AM every night and get up at 7AM every morning. I'm starting to get my dreams back. Two nights ago I dreamed about giant, killer bees with giant, house-sized hives.

Last nights dream was about family members killing and maiming their adopted kids. I think this had something to do with an article I read about dowry deaths in India.

Everywhere you go, red roses...

I dream about Elliott Smith. A lot. Usually I'm his sister, sometimes I'm his friend or girlfriend. In my dreams I'm always saving him from himself.

I actually want to go here...

We're at a haunted outside mall and theme park, 10 times the size of the Mall of America. Not only is the mall outside, it's also in the middle of a forest, with lots of hills. I'm taking part in a bike race around the entire perimeter. O, and there's lakes everywhere, too.

So the race starts, and I take off at a blinding speed. I'm in the front. WAY in the front. I can't even see anyone else behind me. Then all of a sudden my front tire pops (why am I always losing the front tire??), and I slow to a halt. I keep running with my bike - because I guess a stipulation of the race is that the bike has to cross the line with you.

It gets dark, and I get lost in the woods. I can't see or hear the other contestants. There's a loud crack, and my bike and I fall through a trap door. OOPHF. Looking around it is clear I'm in the wrong place... It's a store room of some sort, but it's dirty and covered with cobwebs.

I stalk around trying to find an exit.

Eventually I tumble out into a hallway. After my eyes adjust to the light I see that I'm in the Haunted Mansion Hotel (duh, of course I am). Crap. I need to get out of here quick before a creeper gets a hold of me. I sneak down the stairs and into the lobby.

As I bolt past the concierge desk on my way to the front door, Vincent Price calls out to me, "Please! No running, miss!"

But I don't care. I burst through the lobby doors and barrel into the outside world. It's still dark. I'm running so fast that I don't notice that I am running straight off the trail. I go flying... and land a bellyflop on the pirate ship. The captain is a fat skeleton (I know that doesn't make sense...) with a giant sword. He forces me to walk the plank.

School Marm Charm

I'm a young, beautiful, well-respected head mistress at a horribly run down school in Japan. The kids and myself are absolutely crushed when someone destroys our beloved, albeit decrepit, school. Through an outpouring of donations from everyone in town we are able to build a brand new, state-of-the-art school.

Then things start blending with Hogwarts. The kids don't have magical powers, but there's so much technology that incredible, gravity defying acts can and do occur. Like, I have this ring that can pick people or things up and move them through the air. Of course being a nice person who cares about the students well being I only use my "powers" for good.

The kids all go on to be very smart and very successful. They make the planet cleaner and healthier.

O, did I mention that this whole thing is "animated" like anime?

Crystal Eyeballs

I thought ever thing was beautiful. At first, once in a while, things looked to have had passed through a prism. Soft, fuzzy versions of rainbows. Gradually the colors got sharper and brighter. More and more often things became multi-colored, annoyingly so. Eventually after being inundated with rainbow colors shooting off of everything, and scratchy and irritated eyes, I went to a opthamologist to sort it all out.

What I found out was startling. I prestented an extremely rare case. My eyes were becoming crystallised. And more, there was no cure.

Things got worse and worse. Colors the brightest I'd ever seen, I could barely keep my eyes open without getting dizzy.

Eventually, in a burst of colored light, I went blind.

Sleeping almost back to normal... YES. Still sick though. Gahhhh.

I haven't been able to sleep in 4 nights. Tonight will make 5, if I'm that unlucky. And now I'm sick. Ughhh :(

Hired Help

I am tapped to be as assassin for a secret agency. And I really like killing people, as long as it's legal.

Don't drink the milk, it's poison.

I was working as an Agent of Truth, spreading the word about the sinister ingredients corporations have been putting in our food supply. My partner and I were sent on a mission to the big city, to help citizens rally protests against the poisons they were sneakily being fed.

Everything was going fine until the big corps got wind of our work. They came guns a-blazing, and chased us down. Each of us were shot execution-style in the back of the head.

I blame MTV.

I'm in some weird competition with really annoying people... like a Road Rules/Real World Challenge. But with, like, the most annoying members from every year ever. And the competition is to the death. And it's all post-apocalyptic. The last thing I remember is a race. We have to make it to the finish line on the other side of a mountain, but they don't say how. The winner gets released from the competition and set free. The last 4 (out of the 10 of us) to finish would be field-dressed and left for the scavengers.

So I make it to the top of the mountain, and I see a hiding in a bush an old shopping cart. I hop in and head over the hill at impressive speed. What I don't realize is that the front left wheel is damaged and about to come unhinged. I'm sailing past my horrible competitors, and the cart begins to wobble. I knock down whoever is in my path accidentally, but I don't care because they are all awful anyway.

I can see the finish line, but I can't tell if I'll be first or second. All I really want is to be first, and be released from this evil game.

I'm getting closer and closer... I'm almost there!

All of a sudden I feel the angry hands of those I've knocked down. They've somehow managed to catch up with me. I'm still in the cart, sailing down the mountain, with these hands grasping for me - they are out for my blood!

I just want to finish. I don't want to be gutted. And I don't know how I got thrown in with these detestable people to begin with!